I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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