Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
