After last night, I could never be a politician.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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