sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
