Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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