You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My ass is underappreciated
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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