Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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