Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
