dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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