maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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