so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
