Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
