I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
