as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
