Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
