I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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