Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
