so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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