even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
