Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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