Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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