How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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