We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
