The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize