Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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