Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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