Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
