who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
