There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
