At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize