that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
