it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
