I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
