I think I won the penis lottery.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
