I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I will be naked everywhere
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
