He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
