saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
