You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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