Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
