We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
