I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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