she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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