youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
