I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
