Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
