i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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