do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize