i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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