I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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