I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
