god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
