what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
