$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
