my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
