i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am mentally ready for anal.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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