Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick

(972): View more from Texas

please tell me you have proof of this

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(805): View more from California

Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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(909): View more from California

Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway

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(212): View more from New York

The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.

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(510): View more from California

my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday

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(903): View more from Texas

I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...

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