We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
