I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
