He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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