she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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