Me too!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
