She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
there is puke in my bra ... again
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