She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
