I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
