Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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