so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
