I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
