Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
