You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
