we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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