you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You can't just leave with hair like that
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
