drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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