You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
