I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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