wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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