turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
