We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
