i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
