Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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