Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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