After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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