is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
