Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
