I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
