guys are only as good as the porn they watch
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
