there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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