HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
