i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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