I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
