We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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