when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize