just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
