Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
