I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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