is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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