Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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